It's Christmas, which means it's almost the new year, and oh my god has this been the worst freaking year of my life, hands down, tits up, fingers still moving.
I had missed pouring my thoughts and feelings into the great, uncaring beyond. It has a feel to it, that surprisingly changes over the years based on the kind of enemies you think you have at different intervals of your lifespan as a derelict humanoid.
I have so many hopes for the new year, but I guess I could concatenate all of them under the umbrella concept of ground.
This new year's eve, I'll be in my neighbourhood church praying for a metaphysical floor collider. I definitely need to get out more, I hear that those who suffer from similar circumstances but have bigger communities often get the not-so-great-but-definitely-better alternative of a collision course and get by on momentum.
How do people make friends at my age anyway?
A moment of silence for my apt and suitable use of 'at my age'. I guess I haven't run out of firsts just yet.
And most importantly, how do they do it and maintain their mortgages? I barely have enough to feed myself and most of my upcoming expenses are already planned out.
I miss grandma, I'll happily trade a bunch of fingers to see her sometime soon. She's been infected by an inter-dimensional virus and her tongue swole up to twice its size. She can't speak and they're putting her on enough painkillers to make a small horse chuckle. Visitations are also not allowed because of Coronavirus and I want to slap a bitch because I can't keep gesturing to her through the door. It's not V for Vendetta.
I've been praying a lot lately, more in a spiritual way than actual prayer. I wonder if there's somebody out there listening, or maybe an entire pantheon of gods or an array of celestial beings sipping goblets of mead and smoking weed. Younger me would be surprised to read this, and a little concerned.
I missed out on Thanksgiving this year, which feels really weird because I haven't sat down and made a list of all the things I'm grateful for. I want to sit down and do it, but I don't think I'll find much to fill one line. It's really been quite a terrible year.
It's been so terrible, TikTok makes me sad because all I can think about is 'oh wow, look at them all happy and well-rested in their pretty house' or 'I wonder if I'll ever afford a couch' or 'I miss hugging people around the holidays'.
You've guessed correctly, I'm significantly sadder this year than I've ever been around the holidays. I hope things turn around soon, I wish myself the best and nicest of all things and would hug myself if I could because I know I really need it.
It's getting soppy, I'll call it a day.
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