I fed the dogs yesterday, for the first time in what feels like a million years!
It's not Itchy and Scratchy. I don't know where they went. This new pack is huge, and I am a little worried about them, traffic is dangerous now and I've noticed them get stuck on the little road islands between both highways. They seem to be doing well so far though, and they're gorgeous.
They had been howling at four or so in the morning when I started playing with them from my window. I copied their howls in whistles, and one responded. He didn't know where I was though, so I used my mobile flashlight to show him which window the sound was coming from. We played like that back and forth for a while, then I decided to do something I haven't done in so long.
I decided to go feed them.
I put on some pants and grabbed yesterday's chicken leftovers, and I went downstairs. They didn't know me until I did the flashlight/whistle signal, but they wouldn't come. They couldn't cross the road.
There were so many of them so I was apprehensive about getting too close. I haven't done dog rescues in such a long time, so I'm rusty. I did cross though, and stood on the sidewalk with my hand out and the pot smelling awfully nice - I had warmed it up for them and there was some roast potatoes in there too.
They barked at me, chasing me out of their fiercely defended territory. I stood my ground, then when I realized they were hostile, I dumped the food on the sidewalk and crossed the street again, back to my home.
Except, the one who responded to me in the window followed!
He looked rather sad that he scared me. He didn't even take a single bite, he just followed me back, and two more followed him.
I told him "scared!", and my heart was beating out of my chest. My legs were shaking. I haven't done this in such a long time, I was afraid I may have lost my touch. Nerves are everything when you're dealing with wild dogs. You have to maintain your adrenaline levels.
They let me pet them, and they listened to me when I said "down!"
I played with them for a bit and was filled with joy. I promised them to be back again, and I went back upstairs. With any luck, I'll train them to cross the road and come for runs with me by the end of the year. New resolution!
I spent an hour or so playing with my cats, introducing a variety of new and old toys, and working on their inter-play dynamics, introducing them to each other in new ways. They all had fun, Ludwig perhaps the least, but I could tell they were all relaxed by the end of it.
I also did some animal flow, and the knots in my back felt a lot better.
I wondered why I hadn't done this in so long.
It is such a huge part of me, my relationship with animals. I cannot let the world make me forget.
I will get my mojo back too, and not be scared when I play with the neighborhood dogs again. Dogs are not scary, people are. Animals are amazing creatures, we do not deserve them.
Khalo Sobhy passed away, that marks the last of grandma's siblings. She's not doing okay, but I managed to calm her down considerably last night. I used a mixture of things she believed in, telling her he's in a better place, and promising her he'll come to her in her dreams tonight. She hadn't seen him in so long. I also haven't seen her, or him, in a while too. I got busy.
It's astounding how busy we can get, doing everything but the things that matter.
I woke up with a weird feeling yesterday. It didn't feel good, so it made sense when I got the news. I can always sense these things coming. The little hairs on the back of my heart prickle right up.
This year, I'm going to pay more attention to my spiritual well-being. I am currently interested in seidr and animism, and I am determined to become a shaman. I mean, for all intents and purposes, I've always been a bit of a shaman. Fairy abductions aside, the whole thing really is quite charming. Beautiful celtic and norse lore, interesting people who call themselves heathens and pagans but are some of the nicest I've ever talked to, and ancient runes verging on scary accurate more than 90% of the time.
Odin hanged from Yggdrasil for nine whole days and nights to gain runic insight. Grandma has always known things she possibly cannot, and I dream of people before they die and see signs in the universe on my evening forays. Might there be something outside the realm of reason?
I believe, as always, in the possibility of everything, and this new hobby is giving me hope where once there was only bed and horizontalism.
I'll take it.
The other heathens are mad at me for refusing to worship though. When I told them that I'm interested in trees and animals, and that they're too free to care or ask for my soul in return, they were offended. I've always known I'll never make it into heaven, but it's kind of funny that now I'll never make it into hell either.
Guess it's Ginnungagap for me! 😂😂😂
I'm planning on doing some reading, and maybe some running or general movement, today. The last couple of years have been filled with darkness, and it's not about to lift anytime soon, but it's not my job to babysit others in their personal nightmares. I got my own to worry about, and they're so much funner.
The wrong people die, and the wrong people live. Isn't that annoying?
