Of Apartment Amblers And Quite A Gutsy Finch.

What do people do when they’re blogger blocked?

They start rambling about every single thing that might or might not be considered an actual thing. I’ll save you the drill of telling you how much I’ve got to get down before today’s trial examination and all that shit. If you’re a frequent reader of this blog, you’ll know that being sleepless, caffeinated and the proud owner of a serious itch to get one’s nerd on, as a friend puts it, is rather a postulated surmise around here. If there’s a blog post on your dashboard, odds are it’s been written at an ungodly hour of night when I’ve gone through the whole psyche alteration cycle a couple of times over, given up on the fact of trying to function as an individual and eventually resorted to the much soothingly unrequited ranting to a very tolerant patch of good ole cyber space.

I tried to catch some eye shut and after a couple of failed trials, I decided Imma head off and call it a night. I grabbed my book from the bedside table and stomped to the door. Walking the hallway, I found the housemaid cleaning up, said good morning and continued with my trance. Halfway to the couch, I found an unidentified face pacing from room to room. A lady. I wasn’t quite sure if she was a figment of my imagination or an actual living stranger in our premises, so I ended up in the living room, with a face that sent my mom and dad on a hysterical laughing fit as I stopped in my tracks pointing at the room with the moving entity and saying: ‘And Who the hell is she again?’ My mom elaborated that she’s the new housemaid, then she wondered what I said to her when I found a complete stranger strolling down our apartment.

‘I said Good Morning’.

I just had my fifth coffee of the day. And I mean day in the mathematical sense rather than the humane one, since I haven’t slept in almost 18 hours. I’m sitting in the balcony listening to the jumbled and rather confused – which, for the record, I spelled ‘confusioned’ a couple of seconds ago and backspaced – oomph of cars as they gear up for another round of the clock. A bird, wild finch, just came and checked me out. Pretty gutsy for a creature that’s about One twentieth my size.

This is going nowhere.

But then again it doesn’t have to.

I Guess It’s Just Another Day, In Liiiiiiiiiiife.

My Aura Is Yellow And Doesn’t Move Much.

What You Say!

How Did It Come To This?

Life Lesson #170: I know your body’s like a cloud, floating around the softer side of things you know. You’re in love with an Igor who’s in love with a placid penguin.

4 Days Left

I’m sipping hot cocoa in the balcony with the lights off with nothing but music on. No people, no thinking. Nothing. Just this. Just now. It feels good. I don’t wanna think. If I turn the music off I’ll start thinking about how this year has been and how I might like the next one to be. I don’t want that. I’ve got loads to work on tonight, I overslept and missed class, and woke up with slightly inebriated from yesterday’s headache. Not now, in a bit. Now’s nothing time.

4 days left.

Of Marshies And Ugg Boots.

It’s infuriating that it’s Christmas eve and there’s not goddamn concert or Christmas event anywhere, and the ones that are suck ass. Eskenderella? Seriously? Yeah, sure, there’s one on the 29th, but Christmas eve is not the 29th now, is it? Not only is there no event today, but I’m gonna have to miss the Nutcracker ballet suite on the 29th because mom and dad have appointments at work.

No, Today will NOT start off on the wrong leg, nothing beats a little Christmas shopping. The tree is a few ornaments short, and I gotta buy marshmallows and cocoa, because it’s just not right without hot cocoa and marshies. Maybe I’ll buy ugg boots and call it a day. Am I running a fever? What the hell am I saying? I actually started liking em. Do I get em red or black? Omg, someone shoot me now..

Come to think of it, I’ve never actually got boots. I was always too short for it to be a valid option. My dad keeps saying “hayeb2a nossek gazma”, and come to think of it, well, yes that’s true. Midgets and boots make posh gnomes tho.

Coldplay’s new album is nowhere to be seen. No word on its release yet, could it possibly be delayed? That can’t happen. A friend pointed out – much to my excessive and incessant nagging about the album – that I just might be prepping myself for disappointment. So I’ll just shut up about that and keep my fingers crossed..AND check on it first thing when the clock strikes 12. Yeh, that oughta do. W mesh hazaker neela 7aga enaharda! Exams or not!

Etymology. I Don’t Know, I Just Wanted to Say That.

December is proving itself to be the dust bunny that almost choked you when  you tried to hug it. It’s still my favourite month tho. It’s when Coldplay’s new album comes out and you can drink scalding hot cocoa all snuggled up in bed feeling like a hobo. Gotta love hobos.

I just realized that 80% of my blogging experience is after hours. Well, I was sleeping, like normal human beings when my inner nocturnal slipped out of its dormant state and poked at me, so I randomly woke up at 2 am saying ‘I want that red topcoat.’ Annoying bit is that I don’t even remember if I slept or not and I don’t have any dreams to prove it! Frick.

So anywho, I was thinking how stuff can work out in a way you don’t expect em to. For what it’s worth, I don’t really believe in that at all, which is why it’s odd enough for me to blog about it when I could be using my spare time doing other constructive stuff like studying chemistry.. HAHAHAHA, okay no not really. I could be picking on em unsuspecting dweebs lingering around FB  chat – which is, for the record, one scary place – or watching the water boil in the water heater as I make my sacred coffee portion of the day, or have pickled lemons. At all. I’ve always thought it’s man’s way of rationalizing stuff out of their area of control to try and pull it back in there; because if you can make sense of bad stuff in a way that pleases you, then they’re to your advantage and you’re back behind the steering wheel; which is just another subtle way of being a control freak. Back to the point. No harm in some guilty pleasure, eh?

 

 

1. I’ve just realized that not knowing my way around twitter could and ultimately would improve my goldfish memory, since I can't figure out which replies link back to what and how to get there let alone reply. I mean, what the hell, if replying to someone’s post shows up on your wall, how the fuck is the other person supposed to see it unless they’d been coincidentally stalking you ? Or is the Twitter R&D team that bourgeoisie that it doesn’t quiiiiiiiiite acknowledge communicating with ‘followers’?

2. Temporarily losing the use of your palate over blisteringly hot and cheesy margarita pizza makes your taste bud memory, if there exists any, stuck on loop to the day you went  out for pizza with friends for a week. It also you makes your creativity go wild with drinks/soups/anything that is ingested through sipping, because believe it or not, your palate has a huge role in biting stuff. Not to mention that it also leads to the life-changing realization that everything tastes better with Mayo.

3. Running out of Coffee makes you go for tea, and you know, it’s not that bad after all. It’s like this nice fellow you go for when your badass mate is outta town. And yes, I capitalised the C in Coffee and not the T in tea. I’m loyal, sue me.

4. Bad Haircuts. Nothing feels better than having a photo of someone you really wanna punch in the face with a bad haircut. Ah, the sheer soothing potential of it. It’s like a metaphorical ego massage man. And having one of you could make someone you really pissed off feel better, and that someone might just have been Jack The Ripper in another life. Who knows..

5. Not being able to think of one more thing could make you a little more accepting of even numbers. Or you could turn it around like I just did. Can’t risk the jinx.

I Am A Mirror A Mirror Am I

So I ditched the Paulo Coelho’s drone of a book and am back to my love-hate relationship with Gregory Maguire. If I ever had to name one book that I didn't stand yet couldn’t stop reading, it would inevitably be “Wicked”. My first impression of the book was that that author did not have enough creative material that he had to make it an art out of extracting the magic from every last fold of the beautiful Oz, chiselling an artwork out of its hard precipitate by taking another artist’s work of art and giving it dimensions of his own. However, curiosity made me wonder how far he took it, and that’s probably what the writer depended on to give the book sales a controversial thrust, L. Frank Baum’s celebrity and the sensation “The Wizard of Oz” caused at its time. I couldn’t help noticing three things about how the book is written.

Firstly, the dimensions he set to the book, the moral, political and fictitious dimensions were not very intact. At one point, two dimensions would merge and leave out the third, and then the third would get brought up, and you could get a sense of caricaturised politics in the book. He’s misleading at that too. Gregory Maguire characterized the essence of Nazism, the ongoing controversies among beliefs, discrimination against colour and sex in a way that it is just obvious enough not to be taken too seriously, but get you just where he wants you to be for whatever plot twist he has in mind.

Secondly, he didn’t use what most writers do with protagonists. Authors tend to make you like or hate the main character, according to the plot in question, to gain the reader’s emotional stamp of approval that comes when you get to actually pin em as the “good guy” or the “bad guy” and hence overcome the moral “Spelling check”. Nevertheless, with that little side door, all he did was make you relate to Elphaba, on a more instinctively logical level. Still, I think he used the fact that she strived to defend animal rights to justify her own humanity without meaning to, and to highlight her sense of retaliating to the injustice with which she’d been treated throughout her life by the ferocity of her defence of those defenceless creatures.

Thirdly, a certain air of morbid injustice was held unwaveringly throughout the book, in a sense like the old saying: “The end justifies the means”. He pushed boundaries with his attempt to re-define good and evil. As a consequence, instead of trying to set the constant villain-hero scale, he kept the characters, especially Elphaba’s, rather volatile. Despite the fact that the book sales were elbowed into celebrity, I’d say it was its mystic cleverness that kept it going. Almost a year later and I’m nostalgic for another one of his maimed fairytales. I’m on ‘Mirror Mirror’, his alteration of Snow White And The Seven Dwarves. At the very beginning of the book, there’s a long poem, with no two lines adding up at all. I had my theories that they’re not the same person talking, even tho every line begins with I, as a sort of dream-like cloud of tags. Then throughout the book, a line of that poem starts another mini one, where, as it seems to me, he depicts every character in the book. I’m not that far into it, and I’ve always been bad with poems to be frank, but the one epitomising the dwarf grew on me, or that’s how I got it at least. The author has rather a perverse nature tho, interestingly perverse. He can sell anything to you if you’re open enough, and there’s hardly anything he hasn’t picked at more or less.

‘I’m a rock whose hands have appetites.

I’m a rock whose appetites have hands.

I’m a thing unresolved into courteous shapeliness.

I’m a creature excluded from limbo and hell,

A thing of which heaven prefers to stay well unaware.

Neither pet, nor beast of the fields, or beast of the woods,

Nor idiot kept, more or less, in the warmth of the hearth,

For the sometime amusement of humans and sarcastic angels.

Nothing exists but it rests on my, at the start,

At the end; but I keep to myself, as no one will have me.’

Making Your Way Back Home Thinking Oh No.

Of A Constant That Will Turn.

Life Lesson #161: ‘No eleventh hour reprieve. Keep your head above water, but don’t forget to breathe.’

Life Lesson #162: Ultimatums work if you’re a suicide bomber. Otherwise you’re just a little bugger flailing your arms in the middle of some department store that everybody’s gonna forget about over their TV dinner 7 minutes later. They even get to call themselves heroes because of it. They will, however, continue munching ‘heroically’ as you rot in a cell that smells like pickles.

Life Lesson #163: Muffins are bold cupcakes. It takes dough to go out without all that icing.

Life Lesson #164: No matter how many lessons you studiously pile up, you’ve still got a lot to learn kiddo, haven’t you?

Life Lesson #165: Take One: When all else fails; you’ve probably been trying too hard for anything to work.

Life Lesson #166: Take Two: When all else fails, you probably just need to tell it like it is.

Life Lesson #167: Take Three: Or you could just have a pickle. Pickles are nice.

Life Lesson #168: This goes out to Cee Lo Green: How could there be footprints on the ceiling again?

Life Lesson #169: It’s so cold I can feel the tip of my nose freezing, but then again I could never have felt the tip of my nose any other way.

But Time..Is On Your Side..It’s On Your Siiiiiiiiiiiide Nahoooow.

Do you know when you get so frustrated doing something that you start thinking about parallel abstract equivalents to pat the ego bump? I’ve been working on the same Maths sheet all day, and I’m not done yet. I’ve even missed Arabic class because I’d rather do Maths and because, well, who the fuck cares about Arabic class? It’s almost irrelevant. The dude just stands there and reads what we already have in the binders. We can read too, you know. Anywho, so I got frustrated with logarithms and started thinking that maybe the only reason I like Maths is because it’s one of the few things I haven’t already conquered, as egotistical as that sounds at the back of my head. There’s always a little more to know about it and you could never quite get the hang of it, it’s almost humbling how it accentuates your insignificance with just another couple of signs. Then I started thinking, maybe all I actually like about Maths is the challenge, like everything, and come to think of it, everyone, in my life. You know when you’re after something just because you just can’t get your arms around the fact that you might not be able to do it, and drop it as soon as you unlock whatever riddle it offers? In simpler words, maybe I’m the bedazzled dude and Maths is the hard-to-get chick.

And by God I’m getting that chick no matter what. I don’t care how long it takes. I’m a spoiled little stubborn brat who’s used to getting her way. Bring it on, Maths sheet. You think you’re so hot? Drop-dead gorgeous much? Mesh 3lya ya mama.

Ok I might have got a wee bit too emotional there.

*Looks to Maths sheet* I’m onto you.

December has been quite..what’s the word for it. Tempestuous? Nah. Maybe just a little too Beethoven-y for my taste; going all smooth then bursting out in symphonic epic harmonies that almost seem like they’re meant for you to go deaf in some karmic settling of scores. 2010 seems to have ‘catching up on some soul-reaping’ on its to-do list. Trying to go out with a bang, eh?

It’s still slow tho. It still has the ‘I-won’t-rush-if-my-life-depended-on-it’ feel, which after all metaphorically makes sense in a way. It is the last month of the year, innit?

2011 is an odd number. I like odd numbers. 2009 was an odd number tho. I hate odd numbers. 2010’s been even, a compromise, a package of pulsating aftermaths. I detest even numbers.

And cookies are awesome.

My Grandma Eloped?

So we couldn’t find my grandma this morning. Yeh. Apparently she wandered off into the sandstorm, and since she doesn’t believe in the use of cell phones as a tracking device, we kept calling up everybody directly related and indirectly attached to locate her. As a chilling exercise, I passed the time by pondering the sarcastic use of the phrase ‘we lost your Grandma’. We found her 3 hours later shopping for Christmas. Let me make this crystal clear for you in case you’re slow: My Grandmother willingly walked out of the door into a sandstorm, giving up the warmth of a nice sweater and a cup of tea in a weather as inhumanely menayyel as this to get me a Christmas present. Oh would you just fucking kill me now?

El sana deeeh lazem te-fucking-te5las 3la fekra.

They Will Not Listen To You; They Don’t Believe In Souls.

Life Lesson #160: You need to stop stewing in your own juices and start looking for a new pot.

My Fish Died.

You Don’t Counteract A Ruy Lopez With A Lativan Gambit.

Life Lesson #154: Levantine Hummus spiked up with Jerk seasoning is almost like Margaritas, except that they function without the aftermath of a skull-sucking hangover AND they make you feel a hell of a lot warmer. You’d have to temporarily give up on the use of most of your taste buds for the day tho. But hell, who needs that many anyway?

Life Lesson #155: ‘A cup of candles, oh they flicker. Oh they flicker and they float, and I’m up here holding onto all those chandeliers of hope. Like some drunkard Elvis singing, I go singing out of tune. Saying how I always loved you darling, and I always will. Oh when you’re still waiting for the snow to fall, it doesn’t really feel like Christmas at all.'

Life Lesson #156: It’s the little confirmations that there’s one thing you’re doing right, like a cheap-ass pen that epitomises that maths equation that nobody could solve but you. Who woulda thought that a little “Shatra” from your dad and maths teacher could have you regress into your three-year-old self and you end up smiling wide enough to catch flies in your teeth?

Life Lesson #157: Tying a watch to on of your two primary limbs will not help you keep time as much as gluing a compass to your forehead will help you have a better sense of direction. It just makes it the second most obsessed-over abstract principle ever concocted. And no, you don’t want me talking about the first. At least not when I’m experiencing a Levantine high and a Taoist low.

Life Lesson #158: “What do you mean you’re trying?  You don’t try, you do it.” – Dad.

Life Lesson #159: Knight to E4. Bishop to E4. Queen to E4. Pawn to E4. Rook to E8. Checkmate.

When You’re Still Waiting For The Snow To Fall, It Doesn’t Really Feel Like Christmas At All..

December.

I’m not sure I can quite explain it, but I’m glad December’s here. It’s has this air of closure to it, that somehow everything’s gonna be alright after all, and even if it’s not, it will be over nonetheless, which is almost just as soothing. You can see your breath now, and you’re gonna feel like your nose is going to freeze and fall off your face, and that’s the beauty of it. Everything feels like it’s there, in one way or another; whether it’s the breath you see or the glasses that blur in the chilly morning, your fingers that hurt when you press the piano keys because it’s too cold but you press em still, your toes that somehow still manage to freeze inside the socks. It has this austere ‘thereness’ to it, everything somehow waits and time slows down. For once, you know that you’re here now. That it will be over, and that it won’t rush.

Or maybe that just makes sense to me.

It was a long day today. I’ve been working non-stop for almost 10 hours. Work makes you stop thinking, as paradoxical as that may sound. If you do it hard enough, it’ll shush all the voices in your head.

But you might not need to do that if you don’t have voices, that is.

That’s why the voices are essential to a somehow functional life. Just figure out a way to shush the tiny buggers every once in a while. Maybe 7 hours of maths and 3 hours of chemistry aren’t always the recommendable method, but it works you know. You go with what works.

I got a mug today. The Maths teacher had em specially made with mathematical signs jumbled all over them and handed them out to those who aced the supposedly impossible maths evaluation quiz and I got one. That made my day. After a really long day of working at stuff you’re not sure you’re good at or will ever be good at you get this teeny tiny confirmation that maybe there’s one little thing you’re doing right. Numbers always make sense, they look all complicated and jumbled up, but if you know how it’s supposed to look like before you dig in, then it just can’t go wrong. Maths is easier than people. It makes sense, it just adds up. It has patterns and predictable algorithms. You draw on whatever you know and your head does the rest, and most importantly of all, if the equation has no solution, you tend to know it beforehand by checking on a couple of values and replacing figures here and there. That’s not the way with life. You never know how it’s gonna turn out. Or if it will turn out at all. With Maths you tend to know it’s going somewhere even if you’re not really sure where the hell that is, which is comforting, in an odd sort of way. It’s easy, dependable. It’s also ‘there’.

I got this song stuck in my head, which is odd since it’s one of those sappy songs, or rather pussy songs really, that get tossed for some other slightly emotionally-grounded song. Besides the feline-tinged voice and the pathetically patched up lyrics – seriously, ‘let the judges frown’? It actually makes sense, in some I-only-have-a-500-word-stash-of-chick-vocabulary sort of way. Try having “Goodbye My Lover – James Blunt” stuck in your head if you’ve had your brain folds reared to the reverberations of something along the lines of ‘Cemeteries of London’ or ‘Thistles And Weeds’ for over a year. It just doesn’t...sit well, you know? You think Amy Lee is emo? Try this androgyne.

And what’s with the squealing ‘I’m so hollow’ line anyway? TWSS much? Someone shoulda given him a heads up, if you catch my drift. It’s bad enough that he hits notes only canines can pick up, no need to ground the hermaphrodite allegations. Well, that Maroon 5 dude is an epicene too, so I guess that’s, like, the thing nowadays, or whatever.