Why I love coffee

#1 : It never let me down, unlike most people.

#2: It kicks in each morning, light morning kiss, warms the insides, makes you feel great in just a couple of minutes.

#3: Jumpstarts your mood, and makes you feel awake enough not to typo yourself out of the human realms or others out of sane ones.

#4: You’re not exactly awake without it, and it never ditches. All you have to do is sip, it does the rest. If I wasn’t sure I’d say it’s better than family.

#5: Coffee doesn’t talk back. It keeps its mouth shut and takes it like a man. Not only does it shut up, but it also gives you a buzz. You don’t find that kind of altruism anywhere else.

#6: It’s never the same. There’s coffee with cream, there're are coffee cocktails, latte, that long refreshing coffee, a single espresso that is gently poured into a tall glass of steamed milk to diffuse into a layered visual delight., you name it. So you don’t have to worry about it boring you, It’s probably more self-renovating than your own skin.

#7: No need for a breath mint, you’ll smell like coffee for a couple of hours afterwards, so not only does it actually work on you, but it actually improves your socializing experience! I guarantee people will come around sniffing and just, well, drink you up!

#8: Coffee makes you feel better, think better and, hence, live better. Turn water into Coffee!

#9: Coffee is probably the last legal narcotic, and that’s probably because “they” haven’t realized yet or because “they” know it and choose the keep the last drug that keeps them sane temporarily for the price of driving them nuts on the long run, which is probably better than being old, icky smelling and demented.

#10: Which reminds me, when you’re old, you won’t be old, icky-smelling and demented, you’ll be old and alert with a coffee aroma following you everywhere you go, because you’ll probably spill coffee all over you because coffee develops Parkinson’s syndrome, but it’s all part of the smelling good strategy I assure you, all for the sprinkling effect.

#11: It keeps the withdrawal headaches away. I mean I know you can all relate to that, coffee loves you so much it might get possessive sometimes, claiming a sector in your brain that goes bad without updating. I’m sure you can excuse coffee, it’s coffee’s way of insurance you won’t walk out on her after you’ve been together for so long. You can excuse the clingy asshole when you remember all the early morning loving that sobers you up the second of contact. You know what I mean dontcha.

#12: Coffee has its own way of saying I love you. It makes you feel so good with her that you can’t live without her, and rot in hell and headache and pain and withdrawal and craving and dementia. Sleep wouldn’t be the same without her. Work wouldn’t be the same without her. Just well, you wouldn’t be the same after coffee. You think Karma is a bitch? Ha! I bet you’re a coffee virgin then.Getta load of it, however, and you’re hooked.

#13: Nothing that sweet and secular is legal anymore, enjoy it while it lasts.

#14: Coffee keeps your mouth busy, distracting it from doing a lot of other “stuff”. *winks*

#15: It sacrifices its existence, passing away on your taste buds, to make you feel better. Who does that these days? It might as well be the human equivalent of pushing you from in front of a speeding car only to get squashed into man sauce!

Coffee. The modern saint. The mug of instant gratification.The ultimate philanthropist. The jealous mate. The dangerous ex. The “THE” in life.