The Guy Code.

1. You can't move in on another dude's chick, but you can always ruin their date. It's globally recognized as a gray area.

2. Take the number on a napkin, you'll only need to use it once anyway.

3. And while you're at it, why call when you can order?

4. Never, ever, under any circumstances are you allowed to say the L word. It's like I'm pregnant except they can still run after you.

5. Bros before hoes, that way they can't see anything. Blind spots are another widely agreed upon loophole.

6. There is absolutely nothing you can't win over with a food offering in the opportune moment.

7. Your mother, stepmother and daughter are not a 3-in-1 package unless you're Justin Timberlake.

8. When in doubt, get on the best friend's good side and buy her shoes.

9. Rain checks are you checking out who you really wanna kiss in the rain.

10. Don't ever piss off a midget, you don't know where they could bite you.

11. If she starts following you on twitter, she's expecting a ring. Make sure the only ring she gets is the beep on the block notification.

12. Never underestimate the wrath of a creature who is not physically capable of jacking off.

13. Never trust a creature that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die, unless it's zombie apocalypse and you're looking for a good wing man.

14. Two numbers should be at your disposal at all times. Her social security number and the number to a good hit man.

15. Don't feed her unless you wanna keep her. Strays tend to follow you home if you're the one with the cheeseburger every Monday afternoon.

16. You do not want to introduce her to your friends unless she's boobless. AKA: You do not want to introduce her to your friends.

17. Anything you say or do can and will be taken against you in the court of blondes.

18. Always make sure she's wearing heels, in that case; she can out-talk you but she can't outrun you.

19. Always make sure that two women have a transatlantic gap of no less than 5400 miles, her and your mom.

20. Make sure her manicure appointments are never cancelled lest a catfight takes place sporadically.

21. She gets to keep the remote control as long as she keeps up the birth control, otherwise a conflict of interests is inevitable in the unforeseeable future which will require the purchase of more remote controls.

22. Make sure she refers to you as an asshole periodically, safest incubation period should recur intervallically every 3 weeks.

23. Nicknames are not allowed and/or tolerated unless you want to lose the medically certified references to your genitals.

24. The relationship should never trespass the two contextual senses of the word ‘sacked.’

25. No personals, that includes using her first name and/or treating her like a human being. It puts weird ideas into her head, like sharing habitats and last names.

26. Never carry her belongings, women tend to develop an urge to return the favour over a period of no less than 9 months.

27. Make sure she's uncomfortable enough to not eat on dates, that way you'll cut back for almost as long as you need till you cut off. 

28. Beware the Medusas, otherwise known as the interesting ones who can actually write a brief rather than take yours off. Get out while you can or the next thing you know it she'll be merging DNA's and bank accounts before you can say FUU-

29. All is fair in love and war, except war is fairer to your progeny, budget and reputation when it comes to fucking the enemy.

30. Never say anything that can't be taken out of context. Or else you'll be stuck in context till death do you part.