I Hate Waiting

Well, between the fact that I should get a ton of studying done for tomorrow’s evaluation quizzes and the fact that mum and dad left almost an hour ago, scoring a first of cancelling work, to check on Grandma who’s been throwing up all morning , revelling in the joy of bugging people while you’re shot full of espresso just for the sole masochistic sake of abusing them – that’s what live entertainment is all about now isn’t it? – I might as well quote that person I don’t remember the name to who said there are no such things as accidents, god just wants to remain anonymous. Relevant?

Detachment is such a beautiful thing. Besides the fact that it drives people nuts, it gives everything you do or say this tinge of objectivity…

But when was objectivity such an awesome thing after all? The way I see it, when you’re subjective you’re adding in that little humanizing ingredient, that might disintegrate all the other ingredients, but then again don’t all reaction need a little form of catalyst or another to gear up and jolt into action?

My subconscious is sending subtle messages to my way too objective self to start studying chemistry in the form of outlandish analogies. Come to think of it, I should be worried about Grandma, but for all of you who know me, I’m pretty numbed out right now.

You see, for people to be worried, there has to be this undertone of hope highlighting that ulterior case scenario where everything turns out just fine, hence the worry that it just might not. Well, I’m not sure of it’s objectivity, detachment, plain numbness or just belated sensory reactions to stimuli, which I highly exclude given the fact that I’m espressified beyond humanity’s reach, I’m just..not. Well, because of that simple fact that I learned over the past year. If it’s happening, then that’s all there is to it. What you feel or think about it, doesn’t mean squat. You might as well reclaim your motor functions soon enough before you let everything else fall apart and start affecting people around you, when they have nothing at all to do with it now do they?

Or maybe I’m just trying to rationalize the fact that I’m cold.

I might as well be rationalizing the fact that I’m cold for the sole purpose of not sitting down and studying for tomorrow. I could be that cold. You be the judge. That’s what everyone’s so good at now isn’t it? Sitting around on their royal asses judging how everyone should be or react.

Well, tell you what. If by tonight my grandma is not dead, my Chem and Arabic quizzes aren’t all flunked out and my sanity is not chipped at, I might, just might, let you get away with it.

If it’s not, well, I’d recommend everyone on my msn list to block me for a couple of weeks. I’m abusive when I’m cranky, and I’m pretty fucking cranky right now.

Fuck you.

Just because I can.