The Bright Side Of A Fractured Finger.

1. Suck it, Debussy.

2. You too, pop quizzes. Muahaha.

3. It’s super duper cool. And you get to make up new words like splintified and bonered. ‘Shut up, asshole, my broken finger has more of a boner than your baloney.’ - ‘I'd totally give you the finger had my finger not been giving me the finger.’

4. You’re permanently giving the French equivalent of the middle finger. Refer to #3.

5. You have a better excuse for sporting the afro. Ever tried combing a proper afro with a broken finger? Yeh, don’t. My guess is, the worse the condition actually is or looks like, the higher the leverage on the social acceptance scale. Coolness on a silver platter, dawg, and it doesn’t even have to be the 90’s.

6. You’re like a hero and stuff  and everybody laughs at your jokes. Okay, maybe not. Worth a try tho.

7. You are exponentially more delicate, and, well, French. Tough luck if you’re a guy. No homo.

8. You’re subconsciously training your other hand, hence subliminally becoming more of a ninja. You’ll be catching flies with chopsticks in no time. Oh and I made noodles and i didn’t burn down the house :’D but that’s irrelevant. (YES!)

9. You won’t have any trouble finding a pen; you can always use the one latched on to support the bone alignment on your finger. Not that you’ll be able to use it. Pro if you’re a guy, you’ll pick up chicks in no-time. Girls are suckers for gentlemen. That balances the plainfield here.

10. You don’t need long creepy fingernails to itch anymore. More points on the social scale. Unless you’re a Tyrannosaurus. Other than that, nobody likes a Tengu.

11. It will inevitably improve your math skills, since you’ll have to do most of the calculations in your head. And, as a consequence, will make you smarter! Less fingers, more IQ. Who woulda thought, eh?

12. You don’t have to carry stuff anymore, which is kind of rhetorical if you’re a chick but, look at it this way, more hope for the ugly ones. Holla.

13. You’ll inevitably be more chaste. Ahem. Hey, come on guys, at least you won’t have to worry about carpal tunnel for a while. Still doesn’t balance out the French stigma? Damn..

14. You will mean it when you say your middle finger just got a boner. Et voila, you’re more credible and streetwise.

15. You could fake re-breaking for a fraternity/sorority initiation and dodge the paddle. AKA, your broken finger literally just saved your ass.

16. You’ll get more time to think through what you type or write, and would inevitably tho unintentionally become wiser. If you’d broken an arm, you’d definitely be a guru and give the Dalai Llama a run for his money.

17. You get to mope about it all you want. Another pro if you’re a guy, since that luxury is exclusively chick-owned.

18. You get a moment of clarity when you’re enlightened by exactly how much of wimp you are. For me, seeing wiring and surgical procedures on WebMD did the trick for me. Oh heeeeeeeyyyuuuul naw. I like my pen. Thank you very much.

19. You get to patronize people who’ve never broken anything by every noob/benchwarmer joke you can dream of.

20. You get to brag about every former glory in blown up proportions without having people doubting the validity of your concoctions or being obliged to confirm it at any later point in the near future. And in the not-so-near future, you could always pin it on the cartilages and sell it with an indignant face. Damn you, non-renewable lazy excuse of a stress ball.

21. You use the chance to get rid of your writer’s block and lame cynical outlook on life and conclusively become a more functional individual with an active career. And if you don’t, it doesn’t really count and nobody can hold it against you. Refer to #17.

UPDATE: After a scary hospital visit and an X-Ray, an orthopedist who couldn’t believe I’m 18 because i kept trying to puppy face/bribe him into casting it, it turns out that it’s just a severe ligament tear thingie. Bummer. And i had my hopes up and everything. :(