December.

I’m not sure I can quite explain it, but I’m glad December’s here. It’s has this air of closure to it, that somehow everything’s gonna be alright after all, and even if it’s not, it will be over nonetheless, which is almost just as soothing. You can see your breath now, and you’re gonna feel like your nose is going to freeze and fall off your face, and that’s the beauty of it. Everything feels like it’s there, in one way or another; whether it’s the breath you see or the glasses that blur in the chilly morning, your fingers that hurt when you press the piano keys because it’s too cold but you press em still, your toes that somehow still manage to freeze inside the socks. It has this austere ‘thereness’ to it, everything somehow waits and time slows down. For once, you know that you’re here now. That it will be over, and that it won’t rush.

Or maybe that just makes sense to me.

It was a long day today. I’ve been working non-stop for almost 10 hours. Work makes you stop thinking, as paradoxical as that may sound. If you do it hard enough, it’ll shush all the voices in your head.

But you might not need to do that if you don’t have voices, that is.

That’s why the voices are essential to a somehow functional life. Just figure out a way to shush the tiny buggers every once in a while. Maybe 7 hours of maths and 3 hours of chemistry aren’t always the recommendable method, but it works you know. You go with what works.

I got a mug today. The Maths teacher had em specially made with mathematical signs jumbled all over them and handed them out to those who aced the supposedly impossible maths evaluation quiz and I got one. That made my day. After a really long day of working at stuff you’re not sure you’re good at or will ever be good at you get this teeny tiny confirmation that maybe there’s one little thing you’re doing right. Numbers always make sense, they look all complicated and jumbled up, but if you know how it’s supposed to look like before you dig in, then it just can’t go wrong. Maths is easier than people. It makes sense, it just adds up. It has patterns and predictable algorithms. You draw on whatever you know and your head does the rest, and most importantly of all, if the equation has no solution, you tend to know it beforehand by checking on a couple of values and replacing figures here and there. That’s not the way with life. You never know how it’s gonna turn out. Or if it will turn out at all. With Maths you tend to know it’s going somewhere even if you’re not really sure where the hell that is, which is comforting, in an odd sort of way. It’s easy, dependable. It’s also ‘there’.

I got this song stuck in my head, which is odd since it’s one of those sappy songs, or rather pussy songs really, that get tossed for some other slightly emotionally-grounded song. Besides the feline-tinged voice and the pathetically patched up lyrics – seriously, ‘let the judges frown’? It actually makes sense, in some I-only-have-a-500-word-stash-of-chick-vocabulary sort of way. Try having “Goodbye My Lover – James Blunt” stuck in your head if you’ve had your brain folds reared to the reverberations of something along the lines of ‘Cemeteries of London’ or ‘Thistles And Weeds’ for over a year. It just doesn’t...sit well, you know? You think Amy Lee is emo? Try this androgyne.

And what’s with the squealing ‘I’m so hollow’ line anyway? TWSS much? Someone shoulda given him a heads up, if you catch my drift. It’s bad enough that he hits notes only canines can pick up, no need to ground the hermaphrodite allegations. Well, that Maroon 5 dude is an epicene too, so I guess that’s, like, the thing nowadays, or whatever.