Of National Anthems, Anagrams & This Life Thing.

So I’ve been thinking. On one hand, I’d make an excellent feminist; it it didn’t involve liking women. On the other hand, I’d make an excellent chauvinist; if it only involved hating women, not liking men as well. I’m not really sure where that leaves me, other than that field beyond right and wrong where people who hate their species exist, along with the German neuter article and the psychopaths of the world.

Which explains why when I was watching Gilmore Girls this morning while writing in my journal and the realization of what the fuck I was doing hit me, I got the sudden urge to off myself, which was inexplicable in its philanthropist sense, as if I’m somehow doing the universe a world of good by it.

Also, I’ve been humming the national anthem to a country I can’t place all morning, it’s rather annoyingly victorious and sounds like the lullaby of a toddler who’s finally reached the cookie jar. I’m not sure what to make of that either.

This whole life thing has been getting harder and harder, and I'm reduced to living with the fact that I missed more classes than I can afford to get tutored for, both metaphorically and literally in that sense. It has reached the chronic stage where friends are probing for growth acceleration in attempt to put an end to their frustration at the sight of my crashing into brick walls. I never thought life was quite that hard, why people had to read all those Dude 101 books when they could just watch the Godfather trilogy or whether pizza delivery guys who worked this late realized they’re doing a better job than most of the suicide hotlines out there. Apparently, there’s more to it than that, and it’s not getting better that I’m not a kid anymore and now I realize I’m enough of a grownup to go to jail, and not juvenile hall, if I slaughter someone.

A friend, upon reading the progress of this post, pointed out that I may be referring to an introvert, and that I may be right to introduce them to the wonderful world of ‘Anagram Magic’ which comprised the most part of his childhood, explaining that it’s ‘getting fun out of people without having to talk to them or go through with the formalities of human communication, kind of like prostitution for introverts.’  Needless to add, it’s on my most visited tabs now. Birds of a feather flock together, no? Well, maybe just together but not really talking anyway.

Also, today I realized that the one thing I may have added to humanity’s stock is the discovery of a new strain of headaches, ones that are so bad that the pain starts leaking to your neck. I'm not really sure I’m enthralled by my contribution, but it’s definitely better than nothing.