I’m 19, Bitches!

Today was a good day, and that’s why I feel almost obligated to blog about it and stash the memory for a rainy day. The day started off on the wrong leg, even tho Arthur Dent had called at 12 having set her alarm clock to 12 and falling asleep twice on the phone, I had to commence the all-nighter. It didn't sit well with my disposition at the time and needless to say I couldn’t get all the work done. North pole ice then called and worked through the knots with her mile-propagating awesomeness and set me to cancel classes and party out instead. A puppy face later, I managed to only have one class left and the rest of the day to myself. However, the day was still tripping so I ended up falling asleep, getting dragged out of bed 15 minutes into class and stuck in traffic for 20 more, showing up for class looking like a zombified fashion wreck that could have been taken into custody had I been caught by the fashion police in a parallel universe and got on the teacher’s bad side since he made me sit in a not very strategic place and kept passing his usual snide gay comments about my not understanding shit without his missionary angelic aid. I also had to get up and move all of my things every time somebody had to pee, and suddenly everybody’s bladder goes bust! Two hours of mind boggling profit equations and revenue theories later, class was over. Since I never expected anybody to remember my birthday, I was planning to sleep it off before working on yet another all-nighter, one that I’m currently screwed for, might I add. Mom insisted that we get a cake, I was hungry and kind of expected there’d be no lunch since my mom’s idea of marinating chicken overnight looked vaguely reminiscent of body bags on a certain CSI homicide episode. She dragged my back-pack-hugging white-ass-shivering sleepy self to Korba and we ended up buying a hugeass chocolate mousse cake that, being the klutz I am, I fell face first into in the patisserie. It wasn’t that picturesque tho, but I did have chocolate stains on hard-to-account-for areas for the rest of the day. I came home to find that Vogon Jeltz had left a gift with balloons at the door for my half-asleep dad to find and hid in the stairwell to see the reaction of the then nonexistent inhabitants. The gift was my microcosmic alter ego, a stuffed shaun the sheep. A very screechy aww later, mom and dad sang me happy birthday:

Then the world took notice and the calls kept coming. They say  nothing travels faster than light, except bad news, which has propagation laws of its own, I’m proud, and a little flabbergasted, to say that today was prolly a fluke, or maybe karma wants to catch up on all the good days I stocked up and never had before the year runs out. It was kinda scary at first, seeing as people aren’t usually so nice on short notice save for when they’ve been paged to oversee your lethal injection execution or sit in through your first chemo session. Since neither was the case, it was weird as fuck. Anywho, to recapture the pleasant air of this blogpost, a friend of mine made me this video. Disclaimer: Phoenix doesn’t usually stutter this much tho.

After another extensively prolonged and singy-songy aww, I was having a teeny tiny little shock. People were being..nice?

Vogon Jeltz came over, I proceeded to kidnap her and feed her fattet shawerma because I’m just a sadist like that. Since Northpole ice was stuck in traffic, I proceeded to bump my extremities on every available inanimate object in sight, mostly for lack of sleep, and partly because my body was not used to this supply of good karma and was going through the motions of trying to figure out what’s wrong by passively attacking potential aggressors in its territory. 3 bumps and 2 failed though completely unintentional attempts at burning the house down later, Northpole ice made it through the crowds of chauvinists, travelling from far far away land and we went for dinner. I’d like to put it down in history that nobody tried to kidnap us, get into the car or offer to give us a ride on our way there or back which is awesome progress and a huge confirmation to my aforementioned theory about how karma was catching up on its tab. After stuffing our faces with food beyond our tummy quota, easing the guilt trip of our contributing to the Somaliland famine with diet coke, gossiping about every living being that dared to tread this godforsaken earth, making scenes of loud off-key happy birthdays and breaking out in dance moves to the tunes of the open-air setting next by, discussing career options and whether Dorra tastes better mashwy or buttery, hating on the guy race for assholism and the chick race for bitchism, learning to spell jargon on license plates and discussing the points of intersection in our parents manias, time flew by and the day was over way too fast. Karma wouldn’t even give me that, now there’s a way to handle your tabs. Watch and learn, human race. A very obscene yet informative call later with Marvin the Paranoid Android, covering all versions of happy birthday from slow mo to cat syncing, we drove Vogon Jeltz back home and the day ended quite surprisingly; I actually fell asleep for a good 6 hours.

And for the perfect wrap of the day, I’m sitting here about to commence the physics all-nighter with a dupe-y smile on my sleep-deprived face, sipping on glorious coffee, pigging out on my chocolatty-choclate mousse cake, and انا مبسوطه.