Life Lesson #1: People ditch. Everyone leaves. Every single fucking one.
As usual I end up here on some inhumane hour of night because I got too bored to sleep. Cooling my non-existent brain waves with good ole T.I. radio ripping and reading a blog called AmrKhaled’sVault, which is probably the most nostalgically inspiring thing I’ve read since I stumbled upon the diary of my 7 year old self. Off with T.I. Damn nostalgia, I can’t listen to good old music with my head kicking in. Whatever. I'm not even explaining this.
Life Lesson #2: Schweppes cream soda doesn’t taste good without a cocktail. Otherwise it’s just a liquefied fart.
“Life and death are as close together as your butt cheeks and creation and destruction are as intimately connected as your...uh...other organs.” - http://amrkhaledsvault.blogspot.com
Life Lesson #3: Oranges make better heads and people don’t give a shit. Formerly covered.
Life Lesson #4: If you take your birthday off your facebook profile, the odds are the only one who ends up remembering it is your mom, well, and possibly your stalker, that is if you’re plausible/weird enough to attract those.
Life Lesson #5: Jumpstarting catharsis is better than ending up with a slit wrist. Or you could just do what I do and exercise for 2 or 3 hours till you can’t bend your legs let alone walk. Hurts like hell, relish it.
Life Lesson #6: I used to think a “Fuck Off” solves it all, but there are some things that one simply doesn’t have enough middle fingers for.
Life Lesson #7: Chivalry ain’t dead. It never existed. Get your facts straight. Next you’re gonna tell me bigfoot exists? Another word about that and you’re having one of the latter up you’re former-ous ass!
Life Lesson #8: You don’t microwave chocolate bars without removing the wrapper unless you’ve run out of fireworks or want to pull one off on your mom as she makes her morning coffee fix. Also formerly covered.
Life Lesson #9: Cheddar is Roumy that wimped out.
and I stopped at 9 because I love odd numbers.
It’s my blog, I’ll do whatever the fuck I want with it.
Yeah, I guess that’s enough creeping out for one day.
To be continued…Or not.
4 comments:
1) I discovered Amr Khaled's Vault long before you told me about it! Lalalala!
2) Schweppes Cream Soda always tastes good. In fact, all the Schweppes products do.
1) Why didn't you tell me about it!?
2) I love all of Schweppes' stuff. EXCEPTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT the liquefied fart.
You've got enough cussing in your life.
Actually I just made this reason up. I didn't tell you because it never came up and he never sent an update after I met you so nothing reminded me. I'm not following it, I just read the ones he sends messages about.
Have you noticed that he's getting darker by time, like George Carlin?
yeah but George Carlin got SO bitter towards the end. I bet it comes with old age though.
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